I started a working part-time in the extended care program at my girls' private elementary school this fall. It was the best scenario possible: part-time work, a little money to help out with our crazy finances, and I wouldn't have to hire a babysitter; the girls would come to work with me.
The first three weeks were really hard on us. My then three year-old was extremely clingy, upset and didn't like the change in our routine. I totally expected that from her. My five year-old seemed to be handling the changes like a pro. She made some new friends that she otherwise wouldn't have met, only being in half-day PreK. Fast forward a few weeks and it seemed like we were moving right along.
But then February happened.
What exactly changed, I really don't know. But my three year-old (about to turn four) completely did a 180 and was stuck to me again like glue. I don't mind her wanting to be attached to me while at work, as long as I can detach her when necessary to do my job without her screaming at the top of her lungs. I'm sure you moms can sympathize with me.
I have tried all that I know. Extra 'just mommy and Fi' time. Extra snuggles. Extra hugs. Extra praises. Better listening from mom and a real effort to be engaged in our conversations. A few weeks ago, I was at my wit's end with her attitude at work and explained that if she didn't listen to mommy better while at work, I'd have to hire a babysitter and she wouldn't be allowed to come to work with me. That stopped her in her tracks. She seemed to understand my desperation.
Then yesterday happened.
Sparing you all the detailed drama of my kids and co-workers alike, yesterday was horrible. It was one of those days that you wished Life had a reset button. You know, one of those days where you suddenly realized that you were only kidding yourself when you thought you had been handling life's stressors very well up until that point. One of those days where you try really hard to look as if you hadn't been crying for the last forty minutes, but there's no hiding it. And a simple, sympathic smile from a co-worker passing by you in the hall is enough to open the flood gates onces again.
There are only twenty-one days left in this school year. Then I'm a stay-at-home mommy and watching a sweet six year-old girl for the summer. Twenty-one days seems like an eternity right now when every day is such a fight with my little one (and throw in some struggles with my older one too.) I thought I had the best of both worlds when my kids could be with me at work. Now I'm wondering what's the best thing for my family. Do I pay a sitter to watch my youngest for four hours a day while I go to work? I'm sure the sitter's charge and my hourly rate would essentially cancel each other out. Or do I grin and bear it and try to keep it together for the next twenty-one school days?
I was hoping I'd wake up this morning to the feeling of a new start. When I woke up, my sweet husband even said, "It's a new day, Mommy." Turns out it was a new day. A new morning with all the usual struggles of getting ready for school. But I've decided I'm slapping a smile on my face and looking at going to work this afternoon as if Life did in fact have a reset button. We'll see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Aw, Michele, I unfortunately can relate to what you're saying. No fun. I hope this afternoon does go much better for you and Fi alike!
ReplyDeleteI have just decided that there is NO perfect working Mommy solution. No matter what the circumstance, there will ALWAYS be something that's not perfect. If you take her out of day care and find a sitter now, you'll have to go through two transitions (from school to the sitter, then from the sitter to home) for her in 21 days. That's stressful on everyone, especially her. And she might not like the sitter, might not like the other kids, might start acting out, might do something else. And obviously, you know the downside of keeping her where you are. But even when you think something different will be "perfect," which I have on many occasions with my own kiddos and working arrangements, no matter what it is, it's not going to be perfect. (The grass isn't always greener on the other side.) Sad, but true. On the bright side, that means that if you choose to keep her in day care, you're not choosing a stressful situation over a "perfect" different one. You're just choosing one stressful situation over another -- and the one that is less change for her. Better to keep her in a comfort zone of sorts, even if it means torture to you. :o) You can stick it out. It's only 21 days. At least you have a nice, long vacation to look forward to. Not everyone is that lucky!
Hang in there, girl. I feel your pain and wish you luck! :o)
PS Just focus on the positive sides of working - you're being a good model of a strong work ethic for your kids, helping out your family financially and giving your kiddos lots of chances to learn to make friends, how to get along with other kids and how to behave socially. Those are all good things!